That Time I (Almost) Killed a Man with a Tube Up His Urethra

Every doctor remembers their first code. Maybe they remember sprinting there, shoving people out of the way. Or maybe they remember being pressed against the wall, watching everyone else who seemed so competent and in control while they felt useless. Some people say their first code was when they realized how little they actually know, while others say it was the first time they felt like a real doctor.

All I know is that my first arrest was the first time I ever had to say the sentence, "He peed everywhere and then stopped breathing."

Sunday night, 1 am: Day 1 of my week of nights. Trauma Ward calls, saying Mr M needs a Foley catheter because he hasn't passed urine since 5 pm. Grumble grumble, I wanted to sleep, but fine. Bladder scanner shows something in the neighborhood of 800 mLs. I try a 16 Fr, no dice. Try again with a 14 Fr. This time it drains, but the patient starts urinating with such force and gusto that the catheter actually flies out before I have a chance to anchor it. The patient probably voided all 800 mLs all over the bed, destroying my meticulously arranged sterile field. As I walked off to wash my hands and get ready to start again I realize that Mr M isn't speaking anymore, just making grunting sounds.

Me: "Mr M? MR M? CAN YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?"

Nothing. I felt for a pulse. Nothing.

Me: "CRAP. Okay call the arrest bleep, I'll start CPR." I started compressing his chest, feeling his actual ribs break under my inexperienced hands. The nurses ran around, taking the bed apart and putting him on O2.

Anesthetist arrives.

Anesthetist: "What happened?"
Me: "Umm I was catheterizing him and peed everywhere then he just stopped breathing."
Anesthetist: "What's his medical history?"
Me: "Broken hip. Right side. I think."
Anesthetist: "MEDICAL history!?"
Me: "Oh, ah. Hmm..."
Anesthetist: "Why the FUCK doesn't he have IV access?"
Me: "He does...in the left foot."
Anesthetist: "WHAT?! WHY ON EARTH?!"
Me: "...He has difficult access and that's where I put it..."

At this point I think the anesthetist was ready to murder me because he very rudely pointed out two allegedly excellent veins in the dorsum of the hand. He and the medical reg both tried to cannulate Mr M at that point (and both veins blew. Ahem).

Fortunately the anesthetist was as competent as he was furious at me. Mr M woke up, transferred to HDU. Diagnosis: vasovagal asystole 2/2 micturition. Wash hands, walk away.

Wednesday night, 2 am: I've now been on nights for a few days and am getting the hang of things. Nothing can touch me, for I am the Super Intern. Until I get a bleep from Trauma. Mr M is back, he is now post-op, and in urinary retention. Can I please come place a catheter?

Feeling a tad traumatized, I decided to ring the Medical Reg who was present during the arrest and who can advise on the safest measures.

Me: "Uh, hi. This is Caitlin, from the other night. Mr M needs a catheter again..."
MR: "You're taking the piss."
Me: "I wish I was. Any advice?"
MR: "Put him on O2 before you start, keep him talking, bring the crash trolley with you. Maybe pull the bed out from the wall as well."

In my head at this point I can hear a prosecutor demanding the maximum sentence for criminal negligence. I can hear my own lawyer demanding to know why I thought catheterizing for a second time was a wise move. I can hear my career falling down around my ears.

In the end I brought three nurses and another doctor with me, all to keep Mr M talking and to monitor his vitals the whole way. At one point he stopped talking (probably to breathe) and my stomach dropped. I glared at him and just said (quite sharply), "keep talking!" and proceeded. Urine flashback, catheter anchored, documented.

And thus ends the story of my first code. Here's hoping I can afford a good lawyer someday.

From artizans.com. Scarily accurate. 

xoCaitlinK

That Time I Took The Buzzfeed Clean Eating Challenge, Week 2

Week 2 came and went in a flash! Work was really busy so not every recipe was totally doable for me but I'm very pleased with how it went overall.

Some thoughts:
1. The lack of carbs doesn't seem like a big deal until you try to go for a long run. Then suddenly it feels like all your muscles are shouting, "feed me, pasta, bitch!" And then you cut your long run short.

2. Every recipe can actually be broken down into this formula: lean protein + greens + tomatoes/bell peppers/some other veggie. Once you get the basic formula you can actually play around a little more and make interesting dishes. I wasn't wild on the Tuna in Romaine Cups or the funky lettuce wrap things, but I loved the Roasted Chicken Breast with Quinoa and Kale.

3. I don't think I lost any weight on this challenge, but I do feel like I was making very healthy choices and it's made me more mindful about things like snacking. Now instead of reaching for biscuits or crisps with tea I'm more likely to pick up an apple or cup of berries. Mind-blowing? Not exactly. But I think the challenge got me into the habit of buying large volumes of produce every week which in turn makes you feel guilty when it goes off in the fridge.

4. I've been working nights and I feel like the recipes from the clean eating challenge are giving me enough energy to get through a 12 hour shift with no sleep! I managed to shake my coffee addiction purely because I know that if I have coffee I won't be able to nap once it gets quiet. So thanks, Buzzfeed and my backbreaking call schedule - I'm off coffee!! We'll see how long that lasts.

5. Guys, I really miss writing about beauty. Once nights are over I'm going Project Diva. All the spinach and antioxidants are making my skin look pretty great, now I just need some sleep and I'll be fit for public consumption again.

In summary - do I recommend the Buzzfeed clean eating challenge? Absolutely! It was a great way to hit the "reset" button on my eating habits, it introduced me to some new recipes that I'm excited to keep cooking, and it wasn't as restrictive or rigid as other cleanses so it was totally doable for a newbie like me.

More info on the Clean Eating Challenge here!

xoCaitlinK

That Time I Took the Buzzfeed Clean Eating Challenge

Remember earlier this year when Buzzfeed published the Buzzfeed Clean Eating Challenge? For some reason my favourite website for Spice Girls gifs was publishing healthy eating advice and it actually seemed doable and reasonable. Unfortunately at the time I was busy traveling and not staying still for very long, so I held off trying it until now because I wanted to take the time to do it right and do it consistently. Read on for the carbophiles guide to a 2 week detox.

Day 1 Monday: It's the first day at my new job and for some unknown reason I chose this week to go caffeine, alcohol, and carb-free. Kill me. Seriously kill me. My new flatmates think I'm a healthy eating nutjob because I've eaten so much kale.

Breakfast was the kale banana smoothie which I choked down but surprisingly kept me full until midday. At lunch I wolfed down the salad and snack portions at the same time because I am an idiot and didn't portion out the salad properly. It is disappointingly small and sad. Dinner was yet another salad. I desperately wish for warmer weather because salads on overcast rainy days make me want to kill myself.

Day 2 Tuesday: I'm starting to settle into the cleanse and realize I can trick myself into feeling like I'm eating carbs by adding quinoa to EVERYTHING. So far no hypoglycemic attacks but my boss bought me coffee today and I didn't want to be rude (and I actually really desperately wanted coffee) so I had a latte, oh well.

Day 3 Wednesday: As the week progresses and I become tired and worn out from work I'm super grateful to be following a meal plan and coming home knowing that all the food I need is already in the fridge. I also love the salad dressing recipes, they were simple for a total newbie like me and extremely flavourful even though they only have a few ingredients. The smoothie recipes so far are lame and I hate them. They make too much and the flavours are dull.

Day 4 Thursday: Ugh cauliflower steak for dinner last night and eggs for breakfast this morning is just a little too much blegh for me. Who the hell uses cauliflower when an actual steak would do?! This will kill me.

By Thursday afternoon I actually am totally fine and have recovered from the shock of eating cauliflower steak. But I am still offended by its existence.

Day 5 Friday: Hooray for the weekend! I no longer care about the no-alcohol part of the cleanse. A glass of wine is exactly what I need at the end of the week and it tastes even better because it is "forbidden."

Week 1 is more or less done! I feel great, I think the calorie amounts were perfect even though I saw some bloggers saying they couldn't survive on so little. The cleanse actually plans for you to eat six small meals a day which isn't really doable at work so I end up having my "snacks" as desserts after meals and that keeps me going well enough. Also I realized I'm not that into almond butter. Week 2 starts this weekend with all the prepping and getting ready and I'm excited! I hope that I'll pick up some healthy eating habits from the cleanse and definitely love that I know all these new salad recipes!

Speak soon,
xo CaitlinK

A Case of the Mondays

Hello at last! I've been off the radar in a major way because I've been packing (legitimate), moving (also legitimate), traveling (ehh...) and Tindering (oh boy) and all these pursuits have been taking me away from my little corner of the internet. I'm in a listicle mood because it's Monday and I worked a long-ass day today (no, not a long ass-day. Although it kind of felt like that too).

1. Packing! Dear God, is there anything less stressful than packing and moving? I moved officially yesterday and only brought with me a suitcase full of clothes, a duffel bag full of gym stuff, and a carryon suitcase full of makeup. I am officially a woman with four pairs of shoes but six shades of blush. Priorities are for idiots.

2. Moving - can this be a separate category? My new place is adorable but my bedroom is teeny tiny, hence the serious downsizing of my wardrobe. Most of my clothes are in storage and I brought with me only about thirty items of clothing. I'm not seriously considering a change to the minimalist lifestyle, a la Project 333, but it is weirdly comforting to know that everything I own, everything in my entire apartment, can be combined to form outfits and they've been pre-vetted so I know everything "works." That means nothing is missing a button or needing a hem fixed, nothing is a little too tight or a little too lose. Everything is shipshape and ready to go, which is a blessing because...

3. Work. I'm rostered for 60 hours per week plus call which isn't the worst schedule in the world but it's far from the best. I give myself another two weeks before I switch to all-scrubs all-the-time mode. The work itself is busy but manageable and thankfully busy days pass quickly. Today I met a little old lady with purple hair. Now I want purple hair too. Also we had this interaction:

Me: I've heard you're asking to see [consultant not involved with this patient's care]. Can you tell me why?
Purple Haired Glamazon: Do you have an iPhone? Google him.

I do. I realize it is the best looking man I've ever laid eyes on and I followed him down a corridor this morning just to see where he was going.

PHG: Ah, now, I wouldn't be kicking him out of bed for eating crisps!

I've seen my future, and it. is. awesome.

4. Tinder - How have I not tried this before now? I love making snap judgments, I love looking at pretty things online, it's like Tinder was made for me! Honestly the actual flirting and followup is a little bit more effort than I'm into, but the swiping left and right is positively addicting.

5. Running - I'm officially back in the game! I've been running for five weeks now with only minimal plantar fasciitis pain. I'm considering doing a half marathon next year and ideally a few more races in between now and then as well. I still want to do the Edinburgh Marathon very much but I'm a little nervous because it seems like I tend to injure myself when I go for distance. Fingers crossed for healthy feet and a healthy mind (equally crucial it seems).

And with this cartoon I leave you for a few days more. I used to have tidy lovely handwriting. Now expediency is the name of the game.

Not my cartoon. Because I can't write as tidy as that. 

Good night, and good luck!

xo CaitlinK

How I'm Upping My Skincare Game Now That I'm A Grown-up (or something)

Hello at last! It feels like it's been forever as I've been fighting off jet lag that seems to have hit me pretty hard this week. I'm back in Ireland for the long haul and over the last two days have slept something like thirty hours. It's bizarre but my friends are remarkably understanding and for that I have to thank them.

Traveling, stress, and caffeine are well-known enemies of the perfect complexion and over the last month or so I've been doing battle with all three. While I was home in Seattle last week I stopped in to H-Mart, an Asian megastore, to see what kinds of therapies our lovely Asian friends could recommend. While I was there I stocked up on all my favourite Asian foods, candies, and teas to bring back to Dublin and then popped into Amore, a sort of Korean version of Sephora. I've heard of their luxury line Amore Pacific (available at Sephora and here) but never actually played with any of their products before. The shop was an adorable little place with about a million different girly and colorful products just waiting for me to play with.

I've been wanting to play around with Asian skincare products for awhile, at least since my first order with Kollection K, but didn't know where to start and I wasn't willing to risk ordering something online that could potentially be irritating or just not the best choice for me. Luckily, a lovely skincare consultant in Amore (who, incidentally, had fabulous skin herself) had useful advice. She examined my skin using a strange bit of paper and some blue lights and then fed the results into a computer which spit out my skin analysis. It was bizarre and kind of gimmicky but surprisingly more accurate than the Dermalogica skin mapping analysis that I had last fall. As I suspected my skin is actually very dehydrated, causing it to overproduce sebum in the T-zone. This explains why my skin has always been the obnoxious combination of dry and oily at the same time and why I've had difficulties finding the right balance of products in the past.

The new regimen. Thanks, Laneige!

I left the shop with a few products from a company called Laneige (literally "the snow" in France). See more about the brand and please enjoy the poorly translated story. It very much reminds me of this scene from Zoolander

 and yet I'm still a sucker enough to buy into the marketing. The products from Laneige didn't come cheap (each product was around $30) but the packages are a good size and I expect I won't run out for at least 6 months, maybe even a year for the Yogurt Peeling Mask!

So far I've used the Water Sleeping Pack twice and the Gel Cream almost every day. I haven't had a chance to try the Yogurt Peeling Mask but when I do I'll be sure to report back. The Water Sleeping Pack is a very cool overnight mask that I use on nights when I skip my retinol product. It leaves a weird sticky feeling behind (it is quite a bit heavier than your standard night cream) but I always wake up the next morning with plump, moisturized skin. The Gel Cream is also fabulous and is quite like my old favourite, Chanel Hydramax Gel Creme, but at a fraction of the cost. The only downside is that it lacks SPF. Otherwise it keeps my skin feeling hydrated but never oily and makeup glides on like a dream.

Water Sleeping Pack - ultra fancy night cream, basically

Sidebar: I also left with approximately a zillion sheet masks. They were $1 each!

I look forward to scaring neighborhood children with these

Now that I've got my anti-aging and moisture game on lock I've been exploring a few new avenues for the last of my skin troubles. The most important thing with starting new products is to take them one at a time in case something causes breakouts or rashes. I tend to be a bit impulsive and in my life I don't think I've ever added one product at a time. I'm trying so hard to resist the urge to jumpstart my new skincare obsession NOW, so why don't I share my woes first?

Problem 1: Congestion. I have a few closed comedones on my forehead that bug me. The skin there isn't covered with red cystic acne but it's not exactly smooth. Hours spent on r/skincareaddiction lead me to believe I most likely need an AHA or BHA exfoliating product. I'm a little reluctant to dive in with a chemical exfoliant when I'm using a retinol, though. I've had no adverse effects from my current anti-aging product (La Roche Posay Redermic R) and I don't want to tempt fate by irritating the crap out of my skin. Thoughts? Recommendations? American ladies are partial to Stridex pads in the red box but we can't get those in this part of the world.

Problem 2: Makeup Removal. Ugh. I love Benefit's They're Real mascara (it is my one true ride-or-die eye makeup I think) but it is such a bitch to take off at night. It's not waterproof but seems to be highly resistant to all my efforts to gently remove it. Almost every night I'm convinced I'm pulling out several eyelashes at once plus likely damaging my delicate skin around the eyes. I tried coconut oil but kept getting that in my eyes. I'm tempted to try a micellar water. Bioderma is the makeup industry gold standard but difficult to access in Dublin. I saw several good options at Boots though, including this Garnier one which was on offer and a few by La Roche Posay, Avene, Vichy, and L'Oreal. The number of options is slightly overwhelming and they all seem pretty much the same. Probably by this time tomorrow I'll have purchased the Garnier one.

(Update: I did! It was 6 euros and they had 3 for 2 on skincare. I do what I want. Also I got Avene Cleanance K, an AHA/BHA product, and La Roche Posay's Physiologic Toner)

Can't wait to try these out. Updates to follow

How often do you update your skincare regimen? Do you gradually introduce products or go for it at once like me?

xo Caitlin

Shameless Materialism: Really F*cking Expensive Shampoo

Hello and welcome back to Shameless Materialism! This column is all about products I've finished up and re-purchased. It is an ode to the all-time best ever products that the beauty industry has produced and I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. 

Oh my God, you guys, I know I just wrote a Shameless Materialism post about Kerastase shampoo and gushed about how it's basically the best thing that's ever happened in my sad, dark life. And I know banging on about shampoo is lame and boring or whatever. But here's the thing: I'm in Seattle. And that means I'm in my childhood bathroom, where I re-discovered this intense and fabulous shampoo and I need to tell you everything about it. Ready? 

It's by Philip B and called the Russian Imperial Amber Shampoo (available here, here, and I think I saw it at Barney's once). It costs $140 for 12 oz. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS for a product that literally gets washed down the drain (Pro tip: it's cheaper on Amazon. But there is a theoretical risk that it could be a fake. I dunno, make your choices and let me know what happens). Anyway, yeah it is easily the most decadent product I own and someday I will look back on my twenties and feel ashamed of my wanton spending. I really don't even know if I can tell you that this shampoo is worth the price, because "worth it" is a relative term depending on your own needs/wants/abilities/priorities whatever. I will tell you, though, that a 12 oz bottle lasts me well over a year because it is so goddamn expensive that I use it sparingly and treat it like it's made of gold. I've had strong words with my little brother, who shares my bathroom, about how he is never to touch it. I wouldn't hesitate to remove one of his hands for stealing my Philip B shampoo. 

The second ingredient in Russian Imperial Amber Shampoo is sodium laureth sulfate, a detergent agent that creates the satisfying lather, which some people find irritating or drying. In my experience the high SLS content actually leaves my hair satisfyingly squeaky-clean and is excellent for clearing product buildup. It's never drying and I actually don't ever follow it with conditioner because it's so moisturizing. My hair is left clean and voluminous (product buildup is the natural enemy of volume) and incredibly shiny. The shampoo is a little weird at first, it's a thick paste texture that has to be massaged and warmed in your hands before you can work it into your hair. If I'm honest though, the thing that draws me back year after year is the scent. According to Philip B's website: "the tantalizing botanical scent channels the opulence of the Romanov dynasty, when the healing and calming properties of Amber Oil were treasured by a privileged few." To me it smells decadent and rich. My hair literally looks and smells like a million (okay, a hundred) bucks. Unlike other hair products I've used this scent actually hangs around for nearly two days! Ka-ching! 

Today I was in a really weird mood. I went for my run and then was sitting reading a really strange book (Petals in the Wind by V.C. Andrews, if you're curious) but I just couldn't shake this weird, anxious, blues-y feeling. I blame the random cloudy weather we had in Seattle today. So naturally I solved my problems by taking a Xanax. Kidding, kind of. I couldn't find any Xanax in the house. Instead I took a really long bath and washed my hair with my ridiculously expensive shampoo. I couldn't work up the energy to shave my legs (sorry) or hunt down bubble bath or whatever, but the ritual was meditative and left me smelling like a frickin' Grand Duchess so I obviously felt a good bit better afterwards. Now my weird mood swing seems to have settled and I'd like to thank my Past Self for investing so wisely in my mental health. 

Yes, I can justify just about any purchase you need me to. I'm officially declaring Philip B Russian Imperial Amber Shampoo better than benzodiazepines. 

image source

What's the most decadent thing you've ever purchased? How did you justify it? Did you have to hide the receipts or dine on ramen after? 

Do svidanya i spokoynoy nochi, 
xo Caitlin

Back by (moderately) popular demand

Hello again! Long time no blog. The last three weeks have flown by in a blur of too many white wine spritzers, American Horror Story marathons, and occasional jaunts to faraway locales.

Behold the briefest of updates...

1. Running: huzzah! I've been battling plantar fasciitis since Christmastime and this week made my very gradual return to running. Before I was injured I was routinely running about 4-5 times per week, with the requisite Saturday long run to prepare for a marathon. Sadly I had to back out of the race but I'm hoping to try again next May! I'm using the Couch to 5K app to help get me back in it and I highly recommend it for beginning runners and the previously-injured. 
2. Turkey: remember my previous post about my quest to be the glammest bitch on the beach? Well I don't know if I pulled it off, but I do know I wore an overlarge sunhat and drank cocktails poolside for a week. So there's that. I'll do a full post next week (probably) because I need to relive the best holiday of my life.
3. Seattle: I'm home! I booked an impromptu trip to Seattle early this week to catch some sun, stare at the ocean, and bemoan my decision to stay in Ireland another year. Seattle is seriously the most beautiful place on earth, but let's not tell anyone because I want it to remain pristine and uncharted. 
4. American SHOPPING: You knew I was going to say this, right? I've been home two days and already been to Target, Sephora, and MAC. Unless my dad wants a Revlon Balm Stain for Father's Day I'm afraid he might be slightly disappointed this Sunday when he realizes none of my shopping has been for him. Stay tuned for an obnoxious post about all the shizz I spent my not-yet-earned money on. 
5. Employment: Sweet baby Jane I have a job! I'm starting work on July 3rd in a hospital in Ireland. To any of my Irish readers...don't get sick or injured in July. Please.

I'm so sorry to leave you with only a sad little update for now but I promise good posts will be forthcoming. Today it was only about 65 F outside so I had plenty of time to play around with my new purchases and get ideas for a post. 

In the meantime please enjoy two photos from my holiday in Turkey! My friends and I did a hot dog legs contest (whatever that is) so here is my submission: 

and naturally I am nothing without a good beach tote. I chose this one from Kate Spade which was rather appropriate for a holiday that was an excuse to get White Girl Wasted every single night. 

Till next time! I promise I'll write you a better post soon. Today's forecast is for rain (harrumph) so I'll probably churn out some questionable beauty writing. 

xo Caitlin